Legal Marriage

[Summer]

How do you feel about it?

I have a problem with legal marriage now. I was married 3 times before the age of 26. I am now divorced, have been for 10 years, and am not planning on ever getting married again.

Man oh man, men change for me when I marry them for some reason. For some reason, I start feeling like a possession of theirs, rather than an equal. I don't posses my man once I marry him. Rather, my degree of trust in him goes up, and my love deepens. But boy, I have married 3 completely different personalties of men, and one thing always stays the same. They seem to quit really listening to half of what I say, and quite taking my opinion on things seriously. I just can't stand that.

Maybe I don't think like a man, I am a very feminine woman, the ultimate in femine. But, that doesn't mean that my opinion isn't just as valid as a very masculine mans! And if I say I need something out of the man to keep the relationship fresh, and exciting, I expect them to put some sort of effort into that! Who wants to live like a 80 year old when one isn't yet that old? Not me!

So I believe for the most part that marriage is a very good thing. But for me, it is something that I am thinking that I never will try again. How about you?

[Ria]

Well, I have an inexperienced view of this. I would want to get married, but I don't want to dive into it fast, because, well I'm a bit fussy, and I would want to make sure I've picked the right person. But then, sometimes I'm unsure whether I want to, because I have heard other people's tales of woe, it disheartens me sometimes.

But let me tell you the Indian way of thinking. Once you marry you marry for good. Divorce doesn't exist, no matter how much you grow to hate that person, you must think of your family and children always. If you have children technically you can't divorce, as you are screwing their life up too much. Also, arranged marriages are very common, my parents marriage was arranged, and they were married within 10 days of meeting each other. But I wouldnt like an arranged marriage, to me it is the old way of thinking. I want to fall in love with that special person and then decide to marry them and spend the rest of my life with them. Is that wrong?

[Thorn]

I've got nothing against marriage, in theory. I just don't personally feel the need. I've been with my partner for 10+ years now. I don't see a government sanction changing our relationship one way or the other.

[Summer]

No I don't think it's wrong to want to choose your own life partner at all Ria! That is actually the way that I think it should be. And Thorn, you are doing things more the way that I wish I would have felt I had the chance to do them. That way before you take the plunge, you know basically what it is going to be like afterwards, rather than getting a huge surprise, like I did 3 times.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that there is a slight chance that I will someday get married again, but I will wait until I really know someone first, even if it does take 10 years to do so. I want my next marriage, if I ever get lucky enough to meet someone that I know it would work with, to last the rest of my life. I have also seen marriages work for other people, so I am not against them per say, I just think maybe I am not the kind that should get legally married because of what seems to happen to me over and over.

[Ria]

Debs, you wait. Age doesnt matter, give it some time and you'll find your soulmate.

[Summer]

God, I sure hope so! I am 41 now, and still waiting.

[Ria]

You will...and any man who just likes the physical side of you is a damned fool. If they got to know you they'd see how lovely a person you were

[Creator]

I've found the person I'd like to spend the rest of my life with so I will marry him. I like it that way. But if I wasn't sure I wanted to get old with him I wouldn't marry him. To me marriage has a symbolic value.

[Pledm]

Hi all,
To the response of the `Creator`,I find for myself agreeing that marriage
is also a symbolic value.I was engaged twice in my 20`s but there was the `I don`t know for sure` thing,I`m glad I was correct in thinking this, because it would have ended in divorce.I, like alot of people come from divorced parents and at the time for me at 16 it was hard,it actually destroyed me for alot of yrs.But I believe in marriage in any degree,be it a piece of paper or just living together and knowing that through thick`n `thin you`ll stay/be together,,,,one can hope,and I`m still hopin.

[Summer]

Good for you Pledm. I think that having the hope is the only way that you ever get what you want. You can't get what you want if you don't even want it, at least that is what I would think.