Focusing on what really matters

[Creator]

The Buddha asked Malunkyaputta to imagine a man who had been wounded by a poisoned arrow. The Buddha told him to them imagine that the wounded man's friends and relatives sent for a surgeon but when the surgeon arrives, the wounded man says: 'I will not let the surgeon pull out this arrow until I know whether the man who wounded me was a noble or a brahmin (priest), or a merchant or a worker...tall, short, or middle height...brown or golden-skinned...whether he lives in such a village or town or city...whether the bow that wounded me was a long bow or a cross bow...' and so on.

The Buddha then explained that before all the wounded man's questions would have been answered he would have died. The Buddha's point is that getting caught up in what isn't really important instead of putting energy into what is important is... basically useless.



Any thoughts on this?

[pablo]

Buddhism is one of the worlds great religions because it mixes deep spiritual insight withthe most basic form of pragmatism. the question posed echoes my favourite qabalistic aphorism.

"There are ten holy sephiroth not nine and not eleven". Behind all of the massive structure of qabalism it is always important toremember thata ll the sephiroth of heaven (the nine) are as important as all of the holy sephiroth (the ten ) as well as the holy plus the false infernal (the eleven).

The problem is that sometimes we do not have a clue as towhat is really important.

I think that the seriously wounded man fell into a trip that we all have done from time to time which is to get nto the emotionally issue of the intent of the assailant as opposed to the injury. I always think that cutlture Club's song "do you really want to hurt me" encapsulates this.

Rgds

Pablo

[Summer]

I think that you are very right about this, Pablo, when you say that the injured man kept focusing on the assailant rather than the injury, which wasn't very intelligent of him. I have found myself in similar situations in my life, and am still trying to keep my focus on what really is important myself. It is a challenge that most of us on Earth probably face. I hope someday to have conditioned myself better, so that I will always be focused on what is really important in life, rather than the other things.

[Creator]

I am struggling with understanding the female desire to complain about something without having a corresponding desire to address the issue as opposed to the male need to present a solution for every expressed problem. The stereotype female will complain about a problem because she wants sympathy, understanding and support while a man only complain to others if he wants a solution to his problem. Otherwise he shuts up and suffers. If one begins to turn the conversation towards solutions to the source of the frustration, a lot of women will claim that you aren't listening to them. Because that's what they want you to do. Just listen. Men don't think that way. Hell - I don't think that way either for most of the time. That would be focusing on the wrong thing. Wasting time. But as a woman I do understand the need to just be listened to as well, even if no immediate solution to the problem will be offered.

[Summer]

That is definitely a difference that I have noticed between men and women as well, Creator. I think that for the most part, women have a real need to talk about their emotions, and men hardly ever do. That is, until things get desperate, then they seem to open up. It is a frustrating thing that I have dealt with in 3 different marriages, to 3 extremely different types of men. None of them seemed to enjoy talking about their emotions much. Hmmm. Makes one wonder why, doesn't it?

[mayclaire01]

2 Reasons why men don't talk too much:

1. men typically feel that talking is reserved for when you have something to say.

2. guys are typically not really comfortable simply talking about feelings. His clear discomfort with the proposition is not a lack of interest in the relationship, it is a discomfort with a process he is likely to find unpleasant because he doesn’t know what to say.

Here's the solution:

If husband’s knew that he simply has to talk a little about the events of his day and listen to the events of his wife’s day on a regular basis to address this need, it would go a long way towards resolving this age old problem.

[Summer]

I agree with you, Mayclaire! Now, how to get my Hubby to remember this, LOL! ;D

[lordjagged]

Sept 17, 2009 4:38:15 GMT -5 mayclaire01 said:

1. men typically feel that talking is reserved for when you have something to say.

Which, when you think about it, makes perfect sense. On a galactic scale of longevity, human beings last less than a pico second in existence. I'm not going to spend it talking bollocks.

[Summer]

M'Lord, you'd be AMAZED at how even some of us women get bored to tears by some of the things that other women constantly want to talk about! Darn those muggles anyway! They sure seem like they need a good darning to me, LOL! ;D